OK so the competition was a roaring success. It was all very one sided though and you seemed to want to give them pain and much shaving. Maybe you’d want to redress the balance? Maybe you’d just want them to do something mundane like send them to the shops and get them to buy you a paper and a chocolate bar? Anyway here’s the winning answer…. The prize is on its way. Feel free to add comments or post up more answers….. Phil x
‘It was nearly midnight, and the Kings of Leon boys were asleep, Caleb was dreaming of Caleb, Jared was dreaming of Jared, Matthew was dreaming of Matthew, and Nathan was dreaming of a biiiiiiig pile of money sitting safely in the Bank of Followhill following another big royalty cheque from the sales of their innovative and groundbreaking masterpiece ‘Only by the Night’.
That night though, all was not right. Things were the same as always: Caleb was dreaming of Caleb, Jared was dreaming of Jared, Matthew was dreaming of Matthew, and Nathan was dreaming of a biiiiiiig pile of money, but something was amiss. It seemed like Mephisto, the forgotten Followhill, wasn’t asleep in his usual place behind the treasured Brit and Brat award trophies the Kings (of Leon) had been presented by grateful peasants over the years. Of course, because there were so many trophies (the pathetic public were that grateful you see), none of the brothers (and ‘cousin’) had noticed Mephisto’s absence in their rush to get to dreamy land.
Mephisto was in fact, downstairs with his mother, getting a very serious conversation indeed. You see, whilst Caleb was dreaming of Caleb, Jared was dreaming of Jared, Matthew was dreaming of Matthew, and Nathan was dreaming of a biiiiiiig pile of money, Mephisto’s mother was telling him a dark family secret, that he, Mephisto, was the spawn of a devilish pact, a pact formed in 2006 when Nathan, Caleb, Jared and Matthew were involved in unholy relations to get their great musical ability. Disappeared did the country garage riffs of their natural ‘talent’, the public just weren’t interested enough, and in came their incredibly inventive, original, groundbreaking tunes presented to them in the spirit of Mephisto. Mephisto, it seemed, was the invisible talent behind the great Kings of Leon sound, and the secret to their phenomenal talent.
Unfortunately for the kings, Mephisto’s power, delivered to the Kings in the form of a simple stroke of each member’s body each night before sleep, also had the power to destroy beards. This lost them the unique visual edge they craved, but thankfully gave them a clean faced look that all the real tastemakers – bankers, estate agents, children… normal people – could relate to, as well as the music that real music lovers – bankers, estate agents, children… normal people – could rock out to on a Saturday night in Oceana.
Mephisto didn’t take this news well, if it wasn’t bad enough being compared to your phenomenally talented brothers all the time he didn’t want to find out his brothers were actually his fathers, and he didn’t want the pressure of being the source of the Kings’ phenomenal talent on his young shoulders. It was hard for Mephisto, his life created and ruined… by Kings of Leon.
So if I could do anything to Kings of Leon, I’d tell them to not fuck Satan and not incestually rape children.’
Gareth x
Filed under: Competitions/promotions, General shite
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